The only way to slow, is slow.
Morning pages are a thing where you're told to write three pages every morning right when you wake up. It is said to inspire creativity, focus the brain and alleviate anxiety among other things. Sometimes I write first thing in the morning, sometimes I don't. I don't have a strong opinion on them, but sometimes there are some interesting thoughts that come out, that when written down, get you thinking - why do I believe that?
Today I was writing just anything that was coming into my head. Ideas, to-do's and I wrote: “I'm changing, but it's slow” like it was a bad thing. It was pouty, like I should have accomplished more by this point in the year, in my life. I was judging myself for being slow.
Isn't slow okay? Why would I have to move fast? I literally preach slow living. Yet I don't live it all the time.
I'm still stuck in the mentality of fast-paced life trying to slow down. I have fast-paced culture of constant work and productivity in my head and telling myself that I wasn't moving fast enough. But fast enough for who?
Is the point to move slowly toward a slow life or move quickly toward a slow life? The latter doesn't make much sense. Of course, it can be a slow process! That is a part of the learning to slow down.
I like that thought better. Instead of judging myself for not becoming better faster, getting enough done, or not changing how I want fast enough.
"Faster! Become a slow person", I was telling myself, but that's not possible.
The only way to slow, is slow.
But here I am telling myself that my book should be done, I should be further alone with my coaching business, I should have my shit together, and the only way I'll be happy forever is if I have a house on a lake. (LOL)
I don't think I'll ever fully have my shit together - no one does. And there's no way to be happy all the time. So it's okay I don't have all that because my process has been slow over the past three years of contemplating this philosophy. But if I look at myself over the last three years (and slow down to do it), I've actually done and changed a lot. And three years can be interpreted as moving fast or slow or just as a length of time with no inherent good or bad qualities to judge myself against.
In the moment, life seems slow. We want everything NOW, and to gloss over the uncomfortable feelings of life, when really that is the process to slow. Feeling frustrated and stuck is like moving through molasses - what's slower than that? It helps you learn to move slowly once you're out of the figurative molasses.
Slow isn't just the pace at which you move. It's having compassion for yourself when you make a mistake, not holding yourself to such high standards, re-evaluating your life and how you want to live before climbing the corporate ladder, that kind of thing. It's taking a look a walk and thinking instead of numbing out behind your screen. It's not comparing yourself to everyone around you. It's knowing who you are and having confidence to show it.
That's my lesson I learned today just from writing my thoughts down.
So I came up with some new thoughts to think to allow for compassion and understanding:
I am moving toward a slow life slowly.
I am learning to undo fast culture in my brain by noticing how I perpetuate it in my life.
Maybe these thoughts will be helpful for you too.