The Online Public Display of Affection
When a birthday rolls around for your best friend, partner or family member, do you feel the need to shout them out? Make a public post acknowledging your love and gratitude for them in a public forum? What would be the consequences of NOT posting a cute photo of the two of you on Facebook? Do you feel you need to do it to show that you’re a good person? Are you afraid they will be offended, or you’ll be seen as a bad friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, grand/parent, child, etc?
I honestly don’t know. I would like to know more about the nature behind these public displays of affection. I can sometimes feel guilty when I don’t post something along those lines, but I also know I appreciate those people in my life and I have the confidence they know it too without making a public post. Maybe this is just me, but I don’t feel the need for people in my professional life or people I haven’t spoken to in a long time knowing this much about my personal relationships.
I think a lot of people do like them and getting that attention and the likes and dopamine hit that goes along with it, but to me it would feel fake and forced. Especially on social media - a place that always thrives off of comparison, FOMO and inauthenticity.
If I appreciate someone, I want to tell them or show them. I don’t want to use Facebook to do it.
This need to look perfect and to show up as the perfect partner, friend, daughter, husband, etc. perpetuates what’s wrong with social media in the first place.
As something that was created to promote more connection, it can actually cause more broken relationships or only face value friendships, which though may feel good in the moment - don’t lead to long-term closeness, connection and belonging that we so value and need as humans.
So my call to action is to wonder…
Why do we feel the need to make these posts for the people in our lives?
What do you actually feel for this person? Is this deep or surface level relationship?
What effect does a post like this actually have on you and your relationship with the person you’re shouting out?
Is this post for real or for show? Could you explain your feelings to the person in another, more personable way (call, letter, card, text, video)?